While I was packing up my apartment to move into permanent co-habitation with my fiancé, I stumbled across something interesting. I found a bitter break-up letter from a guy I briefly dated in college. In fact, I don’t think we ever really dated. He had mistaken “dating” for what I considered following me around, hoping to sway my general apathy for the situation. He wanted me to live on a boat with him and his dad and step-mom in the Caribbean. He told his dad about me before I even got his name. He slept in a closet.
I’m not really sure why I kept the letter. Probably because it made me laugh when I got it and I knew it would render the same reaction, years later. Bridget, circa 2003 was right! I read it about five minutes ago, and yes, I laughed. The whole situation was like one of those people who audition for “reality-talent-shows” with very little talent. And when the judges tell them “no thank you”, they get all virtuous and curse their names, puffing up their barely-honed talent. I was the Simon Cowell of this non-relationship, relationship.
You’re probably thinking I’m sadistic and mean and why the hell would I even keep something like that? The answer is; I’m not sure. I guess I figured we’ve all been tragically dumped at one point or the other and to see it from the other side of the coin is just the ying to the yang. You can’t be the heart-broken-woe-is-me character without being the cursed-f’ed-up character in another relationship. Too many times, women take on the role of being the heartbroken one. Playing devil’s advocate is sometimes a breath of fresh air. I’m not always agreeable, so why should my past break-ups be?
Hell, I’ve sent my own bitter break-up letters. A guy dumped me because he was “thinking of (me) when (he) should have been thinking about track.” Yep, I got dumped for track. So I sent him a sympathy card. I bet he was sorry for his loss. Mmmm, probably not. But whatever, shortly thereafter, I met my fiancé.
I guess everything works out the way it’s supposed to. And in the meantime, we can laugh at the break ups we caused and those that were done to us. Or can we? Well, I can. But some people hold on to bitter for a long, long, time.
I’d like to close with my favorite line from my bitter-break-up-letter:
“Tried to treat you like a woman, but you’re still just a girl.”
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some cartoons to watch.
