New Year’s Eve. What a phenomenon. A time to celebrate, commemorate and appreciate the events of the past 365 days. A time to say, “we did it folks.” And a time to pontificate about the goals of the next year. It should be a time to reflect, meditate and generate a sense of lessons learned and achievements made. This is an ideal that seems to only exist in our lofty plans for NYEve. Here’s what we normally do… get stupid, stinkin’ drunk. At least that’s what I did.
It reminds me of the Bill Cosby sketch where he teases people about how they “owe it to themselves to get drunk.” And then he continues to act out the proceeding events of hanging over the toilet and groaning due to the act of over serving yourself what was, as he imitated, something you deserved.
I’ve written about it before which alerts me to the fact that this is a pattern I wish not to brag about. When you think you’re invincible, you’re really just in trouble. My poison for the last night of ’08… was bourbon.
Let me say this; bourbon and I just started a relationship with each other about 6 months ago, when a good friend introduced him me. It was going really great. We’d be at parties together and he got me to laugh and giggle and just feel good about myself. And when we’d wake up in the morning together, it wasn’t awkward at all. I still felt great knowing that we could share in each other’s company and wake up, still in harmony. I told all my friends about my new relationship with bourbon. “He’s really great, I’d say, you should try him.” And when my friends would put up a stink about how gross he is, I’d say, “Listen, he’s a little rough around the edges at first, but you have to take him in slowly and trust me, your mind will be forever changed.” It worked, by the way. I had friends telling me that they too, had changed their minds about bourbon. It was a match made in heaven. I mean, we’d go on vacations together, I brought him home to meet my parents, and while my parents didn’t agree with my choice in this relationship, they wanted me to be happy. And I was. Until New Year’s Eve.
I’ll start by saying it was my fault. I don’t blame bourbon. I pushed him too hard. I was with all my friends and got so excited about life and the new year that I had unknowingly pushed the boundaries with bourbon. He started to turn on me at around midnight. We started to fight in front of my friends. At one point he pushed me into the Christmas tree and made me dance real sexy in front of all of my friends who were watching TV. I didn’t want to do it. But I did. And I laughed, because I knew that’s what bourbon liked the most about me…when I would laugh. I couldn’t even remember what happened at some points. How could he do this to me? I woke up the next day, unable to sleep and proceeded to clean up. I needed to move on with my life, right? And then it hit me. All of my pushing him caught up to me at about 11 a.m. and I had to stop fighting it. I purged everything he gave to me.
The next day, friends were calling to ask how I was doing because they saw the fight, and it wasn’t pretty. I said fine. They asked, “So are you done with bourbon now? Have you had enough of him?” What could I say? I have to be honest. It wasn’t his fault. I was the one that wanted him to make me feel good. I think I’ll call him in another week or so. We might have to start from the beginning and this time, take things nice and slow, even if friends are around. He’ll change, right? Yes…if I love him enough, he’ll change for me. God, I love abusive relationships.
