Ada does a lot of things well. She cooks well. She hosts parties well. She cleans very well. In fact, my dad often refers to our house as “cleaner than the surgery rooms at the hospital.” Never have I known a person who makes you clean all the hair out of the hair brush, wash them with soap in water and dry them over the vent. She also washes the window screens. “So dirty,” she says.
My mother deviates from topics well, “When are you getting married again? Did you watch Bill O’Reilly last night? He is just so good. I can’t believe that Obama is at it again. Our troops! They’re fighting for our freedom and to help those poor, poor people. Did you see that woman on the news who was murdered? Well, girl, I need to go eat some hot dogs that your dad brought home. Oh and I got this great fiber supplement. It really helps you poo. You should try it. $9.99 at Jewel.”
Among the many things that she does well, there is one thing that she does NOT do well: Navigate the Internet. In fact, often times when I see her around a computer it’s like she just heard a pop. She jumps, yells “Oh!” and mumbles, “Oh what the heck did I do here?” every 2 minutes. Which is why I was shocked by the following conversation for a number of reasons:
(Scene: kitchen table, looking at a map of California)
Ada: Do you remember when we were in Palo Alto, Bridge?
Me: Kinda. I was in 3rd grade so it’s been awhile.
Ada: We visited my old boyfriend there.
(Mind you, my mom got married when she was 18, so this is pre-18 age)
Me: I think so.
Ada: Oh Eddie, I didn’t want to wait for him to get out of med school. And now look at me.
Me: (sigh)
Ada: I think he’s dead now.
Me: Why do you think that?
Ada: Cause I couldn’t find him on the internet.
Me: Wow.
(End Scene)
And now you can see from where my shock stems. My mother is using the internet? God knows where this woman has searched. Internet Explorer and Microsoft Word are both blue. She could have gotten confused. This is a woman to whom I have told – numerous times, in EXPLICIT detail – how to copy and paste a hyperlink. Because she can’t find her old boyfriend on aol, then he must be dead?
I hope she’s not looking for any of you. If she doesn’t find you, she might start writing your obituary. Maybe that’s why I started this blog — to stay relevant.
