Dear Readers,
I’m sorry I was absent last week. I was busy with regular life duties and the preoccupation with my dad’s surgery. But there is nothing to worry about, he is doing well.
I’ve heard that anytime there is a big happening within a family (wedding, funeral, major illness, major life-changing-event) the craziness of a family becomes enhanced.
Characters
Ada; my mother
Beth; my oldest sister
Michelle; the middle sister
Melissa; my closest sister separated by 7.5 years and a tumultuous time having had to live with each other as kids (of which is now resolved since we no longer have to occupy the same space and I no longer care to steal t-shirts from her dresser).
Chip; my third-oldest nephew and son of Michelle
From the left: Beth, Ada, Chip, Michelle & the back of Melissa's head. Everyone is on their phones.
Scene: Hospital Waiting Room
Sitting in a circle of chairs in the corner of the waiting room with one desk lamp bolted to the end table.
MELISSA: Where’s Michelle?
CHIP: I don’t know.
ADA: Your mom is really ticked at you Chip for hanging up on her.
CHIP: I had to get the other line and she kept talking!
ADA: Well, I don’t know about that.
(Michelle enters)
MICHELLE: Hey people.
BETH: Hey Shell. You didn’t bring us McDonald’s?
MICHELLE: I thought everyone would have eaten by now.
BETH: It’s only 11:15.
MICHELLE: (a little flushed) Well, I don’t know.
ADA: I have candy if your blood sugar is low.
THE BRIDGE: Did you combine skittle with M&Ms again?
MELISSA: I hate that.
THE BRIDGE: Me too.
ADA: It’s good!
(The Bridge sifting through the bag of candy)
ADA: The skittles are the ones with the “S” on them
THE BRIDGE: (sarcastically) Thanks, mom.
BETH: Watcha doing granny?
ADA: I wonder if they started the surgery yet.
MELISSA: Now I’m getting hungry.
ADA: Skittles?
MICHELLE: (to Chip) What did you just wake up and roll over here?
CHIP: (annoyed) No, I didn’t have anything else to wear. (to Ada) Hey grandma, do you think you and grandpa would buy a Mercedes 57?
ADA: Uh, no Chip, I don’t think so. Besides you shouldn’t be thinking about Mercedes until you can get into a good college. Are you reading your books?
CHIP: I’m reading grandma.
ADA: Like what?
CHIP: Magazines. What about an Escalade?
BETH: Whatcha doing granny?
MICHELLE: Do you like my new nails? (they are an 80s style hot orange)
MELISSA: You’re a freak.
CHIP: She’s always spending money on her nails.
MICHELLE: I’m not always spending money on my nails.
CHIP: Mom. Oh my god. Yes you are.
MELISSA: I left my children at home for a reason.
(Beth is completely unaware of the situation as she plays with her iPhone and Blackberry)
BETH: Whatcha doing granny?
ADA: Let’s play cards!
(Beth falls asleep)
(The Bridge falls asleep)
45 minutes later, the nurse shows up
NURSE: The doctor will see you in the — wow, there’s a lot of you.
ADA: And this isn’t all of them either.
NURSE: You should get an award for what you’ve done ma’am.
BETH: Where are those skittles?
(we gather into a very small consultation room)
NURSE: There might not be enough chairs in the room for all of you, I’ll get another one.
THE BRIDGE: (to herself) I get it. We’re a freakishly large family.
(we wait for 15 minutes. The surgeon arrives looking calm and yet very tired)
SURGEON: Everything went well. If he didn’t have this surgery he would have been in big trouble. We cleared out the artery blockage. It took him awhile to come out of the anesthesia but he is up and neurologically strong.
MICHELLE: So will this prevent him from having a stroke?
(Melissa darts look at Michelle)
SURGEON: (befuddled) Yes, he now has a clear passageway in that artery.
ADA: Thank you doctor. When can we see him?
DOCTOR: In about 2 hours. But remember, he needs a lot of rest. This is the time for the nurses to take good care of him in this delicate state.
(Doctor leaves. There is a moment of calm and relief among all of us. We smile we breathe deeply.)
BETH: Is it getting really hot in here? I think I’m going to pass out.
ADA: Here. Take the skittles.
THE BRIDGE: They have M&M’s mixed in with them.
BETH: No thank you.
(We walk out of the consultation room)
MELISSA: Alright, I need to call my husband.
ADA: I need a cigarette. (to The Bridge) Walk with me so I don’t get lost.
THE BRIDGE: It’s a hospital, how are you going to get lost? There are signs everywhere.
ADA: You know me.
CHIP: Mom, I have hockey at 4, you need to drive me there.
MICHELLE: I’m not driving you to hockey!
CHIP: Oh my god mom! How am I supposed to get there?
ADA: Take our Buick.
CHIP: But my mom should drive me.
MELISSA: Just take the Buick! They aren’t going to be using it. Grandpa can’t drive for 10 days anyway!
CHIP: Fine.
THE BRIDGE: Ok, I’ll be back. I’m going to get a pedicure. Dairy Queen anyone?
ADA: Get me an M&M blizzard.
THE BRIDGE: I’ll have them mix some skittles into it.
ADA: Ew, that’s gross.
END SCENE
