Now that I work from home, I don’t frequently ride the train like I used to. When I do, however, I sit back and enjoy the mania of public transit riders. Crazy and angry are descriptions that never wane on buses and trains. You may recall one such trip I took on the California bus.
Last Friday, I hopped on the notoriously piss-scented blue line, headed for the Clinton stop. I was banking on making it to Union Station with just enough time to spare for a ticket and a good seat. The blue line was running efficiently for a mid-afternoon route. Everything seemed to be going well until we hit the Clark and Lake stop. Only a few short stops away from my destination. We stalled…
The following events I’m about to share are 100% true and accurate.
A very elderly man – or was it a woman (age is such a cruel androgynous melting pot) was standing at the door ready to exit the train for the previous 4 stops. He took position with his walker making damn sure he wasn’t going to miss his stop. Even those without walking aids have a hard time making it to the doors on time. I appreciated his planning skills.
We arrived at Clark and Lake. The old man shuffled forward once the doors opened and put his walker outside of the doors. He stopped with one foot in the train, one on the platform and while holding onto his walker with his left hand, turned around to pull the emergency stop right above the doors. He gave an intent stare to the front of the train. He must have needed help, I thought. He couldn’t get off of the train and he didn’t want to be stuck halfway inside a moving powerhouse. The poor guy…
Then a jovial middle-aged man in a dirty black jacket approach the old man.
Mr. Jovial asked the old man, “Sir you need some help?”
It warmed my heart. And then the old man opened his mouth. My own jaw dropped to where my warm heart stopped beating.
“I’m gonna F*^K THAT MOTHER F*&^%ER UP!” the old man yelled toward the front of the train, his hand still tightly gripping the emergency pull.
“‘Scuse me?” Mr. Jovial said pulling his head back on his neck.
“I’M GONNA F*^K THAT MOTHER F*&^%ER UP!” the old man continued to yell.
At this point, Mr. Jovial knew that this old man needed help – but not the kind that he could provide. So he did the next best thing. Since he knew he couldn’t help the angry man, barely standing in front of him and shouting threats, he acted as an advocate for all the riders on the train that weren’t experiencing some angry side effect of dementia.
"Don't worry, it's safe to ride trains when you take your meds and leave your gun at home."
“Sir – you got to let these people go. Look (he points to the inside of the train) – there be people waitin’ to leave and they can’t cause you stopping them all. ”
The angry old man gets even angrier that Mr. Jovial interrupted his concentration of what could have been the best fight of his life. He retaliates, “F^#K YOU TOO – I’M GOING TO STAB YOU!!”
Mr. Jovial goes from being taken aback to downright amused. He chuckles that half-hearted throat chuckle, “You goin’ to stab me, huh,” he asks. Then he reaches both arms out to each side of his body as if surrendering, looks the old man straight in the eye and with a hint of a smile says, “then go’ahead n’ stab me then. ‘Cause I’m ready to die.”
Everyone on the train started to laugh. Then the old man releases the emergency level, steps off the train and spits 10 feet to hit Mr. Jovial’s dirty black jacket. Consequently, Mr. Jovial, wasn’t living up to his name after that. His demeanor completely drops as he said, “Son of B- did you see that?” He looks around as if people’s nods of disapproval for the old man would give him justification to kick his ass. That’s all he would literally have to do in order to defeat his fragile bones and crusty walker. Mr. Jovial let this moment flash before his eyes until he realized that since the beginning of the conversation, he knew he was dealing with a man who was not playing with a full deck of cards.
They both walked away from the train car in the station, defeated. And all everyone else could do was wait and hope that their train got them to where they needed to be – on time – if only to prevent more rage outbreaks.
