the bridge beat

Sir Opti took me out to dinner last night to a new wine bar in Noble Square.  We had a lovely time trying new cuisines paired nicely with fancy wines of the red and white persuasion.  Clearly, I learned so much.  Well actually, I did, but it wasn’t about wines, it was about people.  For those who love people watching Valentine’s Day in sit-down restaurants will trump any train station, amusement park or Zumba class for people watching.

Valentine’s Day is an amazing study in sociology and anthropology.  Restaurants in particular are so amazing, because the ambiguity of casual dining is completely eliminated.  People who go out to dinner on Valentine’s Day are making a statement.  They are saying, I’m a couple, I’m going to out to celebrate my coupleness and I’m doing this in the most public way possible because it’s Valentine’s Day and that’s what couples do.  On any other day you may see a couple out to dinner, but you might not be able to tell the significance of their relationship.  Valentine’s Day dinner though – that’s what the serious people do.  If you’re just starting to date someone and you’re not sure the terms of the relationship, to go out on Valentine’s Day to a romantic dinner?  Well now, you’ve just shoved your “unknown” status into the definite “known”.   You don’t propose to someone if you don’t want to spend the rest of your life with them and you don’t take someone out to a Valentine’s Day dinner if you don’t want to spend a succession of romantic dinners with that same person.  Just like you can’t take heroine and then go back to normal every day life like it was before and you can’t take someone out for a Valentine’s Day dinner and then go back to “I’m not sure if I like you or not” like it was before.  And that’s why it’s so fun to watch people at Valentine’s Day dinner.  Everyone who shows their face in a couple at dinner on February 14th has made a statement – this is my Valentine.  For those who have taken the plunge and for those who are navigating the waters – it makes for enjoyable distraction.

The first couple I saw was in my direct line of sight.  They were an older couple, in their late 40s with 2 children at the table with them.  They were a good-looking couple.  The man was a businessman slumped in his chair, wearing his thick brown hair slightly gelled, a loosened tie and a suit jacket.  His wife was a size zero with a face that only hinted at being over 20-years-old.  Her hair was long, very blond and perfectly blown-out.  Their daughter was about 13-years-old and had the same hair style as her mother but it was dark and thick like her father’s (presumably, her father).  Her little brother was about 3.  I could only deduce, that he, like me was an accident.  Throughout the dinner, the business man, scrolled through his smart phone.  The daughter entertained her brother with stories to ensure that he would sit still for a little while longer while her parents ordered another glass of wine for themselves.  The mother didn’t talk to anyone and ate quietly staring at her plate.  The father made little eye contact.  When their meal was finished, the father was already absent from the table and the mother, son and daughter walked out of the restaurant alone.  This was their Valentine’s Day Dinner Statement.

After they left, a young couple took their table.  The woman arrived there first.  I would say she was in her late 20s, had long, dishwater blonde hair and was wearing dark skinny jeans and tan boots that I’ve been wanting for years.  She was a delicate hybrid of Logan Square and Lincoln Square.  Not trendy enough to be obvious, but trendy enough to be slick.  Her Valentine showed up after a couple of minutes.  It was either their first date or one of the early dates that they had been on.  (Big big moment for the early daters to go out for Valentine’s Day dinner.)  He saw her and gave a little wave as he walked in.  He then widely opened his eyes and mouth signaling excitement while uttering a monosyllabic phrase that would have otherwise sounded like a combination of “hey” and “hi”.  She saw him and immediately perked up, then stood up, pushing her hair back behind her ears and then adjusting her sweater at her hips.  I knew it was their first date (as if showing up separately wasn’t a clue enough) for this reason alone – the way he hugged her.  When he went in for the hug, he put his arms around her but never opened up his hands.  They were in fists from what I can only assume was his attempt to keep them warm from the cold.  But it wasn’t that cold out so I’m not sure why this strange man keeps his hands in fists.  Although during the hug, I assumed it was because he didn’t want her to think he was coping a feel too soon.  Open hand would indicate a bigger surface area for touching, romancing, etc.  So out of respect, he was keeping his arms around her, but his hands off of her.  Either that or he was gay, doesn’t like touching woman and this whole scenario I thought I saw was a complete sham made fuzzy by the dessert wine I was having with my chocolate fondue.  Although I don’t think that was the case.

He would give enthusiastic answers and responses in a way that only happen at the beginning of the relationship.  Like a salesman trying to close the deal.  (Not the salesmen who has closed thousands of deals and now slumps in his chair, with his deal, tie loosened, smart phone engaged.)    She was energetic, sat up completely straight and conversed in a way that you could feel a beat if they stopped to do anything, like eat their food.  It was a palpable rhythm to their conversation that doesn’t happen when you’ve been with someone for awhile.  Time turns your conversations into something like jazz pieces that ebb and flow without apology.  It’s the art of the conversational craft of long-time couples.  The couple’s conversational craft who I observed was more like a country song, with its very specific formula and predictable phrases.  Either way, this was their Valentine’s Day Dinner Statement and I was excited for them – they were adorable.

Where was Sir Opti during all of this?  He was sitting at our table, chatting with me.  I am a multi-tasker so I can do many things at one time.  In fact, I listen better when I have something that visually engages me.  It’s just how my brain works, I can’t explain it.  Like when I’m talking with anyone, I find a way to make patterns on the walls of where we are that would make one line connect on one wall with the lines of another and then everything in the room is connected in a linear world of connectedness including my own investment in the conversation.

So it was his piano ballad of our jazz song as he talked about computers and internets and videos and comedians and comedy.  I would occasionally pop in with a trumpet solo about crap I found on the internet.

Then we would play together, making jokes.  Sir Opti would ask, “What do you think the guitar player’s story is?”  I thought about it, “I think he owns a matress store to support his wife and 2 teenage daughters, but never lost his love for music and plays it whenever he gets a chance.”

It’s different every time.  But we respect the jazzy art of the conversational craft.  And that was our Valentine’s Day Dinner Statement – no matter what nosey little blogger tries to disect it.  Even if it’s Sir Opti’s own valentine.