Sir Opti and I celebrated our 2-year anniversary last month. My sweet mom-in-law gifted us with a restaurant certificate and we decided to get some fancy fondue at Gejas Cafe. Our waiter informed us about the menu like a flight attendant giving his 1,541st safety demonstration: lifeless and anticipating either death or the end of his shift.
By the way, is that how waiting tables is for a fixed menu restaurant? You serve the same things in the same way every time, everyday. Does that eventually bleed the life out of you? Is that for every service industry job? Curious minds want to know. I did catering in college and it was one of my least favorite experiences. I also have no wrist balance ability so I cannot serve glasses off of a round serving tray. The last time I tried, I spilled champagne on a mentally handicapped woman. “Sorry ’bout that,” I said picking up the glass from her lap as if I had spilled champagne glasses into the laps of the disabled my whole life, “you ok?” She nodded. I left and I didn’t come back. To that table. To that job. To that industry.
Moving on, despite the waiter’s lack luster done better only by 17-year-old boys, Sir Opti and I enjoyed our dinner. “Seafood needs 2 minutes to cook, steak needs about 4 minutes to cook. Ok? Great. Thanks,” said the waiter as he exited on cue like a script he had been performing for way too long. We were left to indulge in this gluteanous feast that would make any other respectful member of the human species scoff in shame and disgust. But we are people of comedy, we have no shame. We dove in, salivating faces first. Here’s how nerdy we are – the waiter gave us a time frame to cook and we didn’t want to lose track of our cuisine’s readiness. So Sir Opti and I put out our smart phones, opened the timer and timed our food:
Gejas: We Accept Visa, Master Card and Nerds.
As we stuffed our faces with delicious fondue, we talked about our past and what we were like in high school:
Me: Do you remember when we not only didn’t have cell phones, but had to rely on our parents to give us messages from people who called while we were gone?
Sir Opti: Yeah, good thing we don’t have to deal with that anymore.
Me: I remember when boys first started to take interest in me, I used to be super adamant with my parents, “if you are on the other line, you HAVE to pick up call waiting.” They would ask me, “why who is supposed to call?” And in that bitchy teen tone that is innately adopted at puberty I said, “Just someone, I don’t know, someone OK? Can you please please just answer the phone?”
Sir Opti: Hm.
Me: Don’t you remember that?
Sir Opti: Yes. I used to do the same thing. I wanted to make sure my parents weren’t even on the phone.
Me: Cause you were excited for a girl to call you?
Sir Opti: No, because I wanted to get online to download computer games. We only had dial up.
Me: (silence. I check the readiness of my oil-boiled sirloin)
Sir Opti: I’m sure that does not surprise you.
Me: Nope. (insert sirloin piece into mouth. give a mouth-closed grin)
Sir Opti: There were so many cool games, babe.
Me: There were so many boys I would love to have like me. So you didn’t get excited about calling girls?
Sir Opti: I didn’t call girls.
Me: Hm. I can see that I guess. (look at smart phone) I think your shrimp is done.
Sir Opti: (said with a child-like expression) YES! Oh hey, I just downloaded the new Mac operating system. It’s really awesome. You should get it, I think you’d like the new features on it. It had a three-finger pinch function now instead of a 4-finger pinch function! I mean it still has the four finger but now it had three! It’s so cool!!
Everything we wished for in high school, we got. I found a boy who likes me and he found a way to always download the greatest technology for his computer. I guess we don’t change that much do we?
I love you, sweetie.
I love you, mobile apps of all kind.
